Monday, 23 December 2024

Beasts

 

Beasts.

 

Because switching it off is a drag,

you’ve maybe endured, as I have,

one of those many galling TV Shows

topping up banal BBC schedules,

and, listen, here’s how it always goes.

There’s this one beast, cropping grass

or some such, that starts, stiffens, stirs

at a lurking predator it probably heard:

like Sir Charles Dicky-Bow-Attenbro,

his brother, Bert, or that other one

they used to trot out back along,

flatfoot, with a privet bush beard

covering his spitting, receding chin,

a third rate comedian used to spoof

before he retired himself to Premier Inn.

Anyway, this beast I mentioned is up

and off, legging it through the shrub,

the rest of its troupe, following suit,

chucking up dust with scarpering hoof.

By happy chance, at Sainsburys today,

you'll come across much the same,

whispers from someone, they’re away

to ‘get there early’, the cars in herds

blocking access and thoroughfares.

Inside it's just as bad or worse,

being stuck behind stuffed trolleys 

is like being stuck behind your hearse,

all bitten off swearing, muted curses,

fighting over the last of the turkeys,

fisted front-crawl through the checkout.

And in their eyes, flickering doubt

as if they know it shouldn’t be like this,

there’s nothing cracking about Christmas.

Not that anyone would ever admit it,

through stitched on smiles, gritted teeth

and forced pleasantries, but Jesus Christ,

there’s something wrong with Paradise.

Who cares? Certainly not the shithead

in his Landcruiser, who’s just spread

himself across lanes of oncoming cars

to carve himself up a parking space

with arrogant smirk upon his face.

You gave him the finger and he reacts,

jumps out, off quick, making tracks,

joins his merry throng caroling within,

to gobble down meat and think on sin.


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