4 Whats, Fool?

 

4 Whats, Fool?

 

Once, when he was very small,

he scrawled in biro upon the toilet wall,

4 to Doomsday.

What made him do this, he could not say,

It was all that university food in the JCR

one too many at the bar

of the student union that time David Owen

popped in – there was going

to be an election – 87 and  Maggie Out,

the riff-raff shout –

all that Two Tone, New Wave,

calm down, behave.

Wait, wait – was it Peter Davison?

Could be, he had a lot on –

A Very Peculiar Practice, Sandra Dickenson

all squeaky voice and Trillian,

Brenda Blethyn, Chance in a Million,

and then there was The Doctor.

No matter, what’s salient is this,

when he returned next day, for a shit,

beneath it, some wag had put

4 Whats, Fuckwit?

with much ado about underscoring.

They’d call that trolling these days,

but back then it had made him think,

wounded and blink.

Still, ask him that question in 2026

and I think he’d have 4 answers for it.