ALREADY TIRED OF POST BREXIT BRITAIN ?
FEELING THE PINCH?
Don’t Worry!
EARN A TIDY LIVING FOR FREE
Now – You
can:
BE A TOP COMEDIAN
Learn:
Satire, Sarcasm and Slapstick!
Here it is, free of charge, your
very own comedy routine to help you ‘be a top comedian’.
Entertain large crowds in pubs!
Trouser
wads of cash!
You will need:
- One microphone
- One tall wobbly stool
- One humorous comedy novelty item from the following list:
Feather Duster; Megaphone; Pointing
Stick; Tin of ‘Dubbin’; Partially Used Tube of Wart Remover; Stuffed Duck with
Green Feathers Wearing a Nappy; Pair of Wellington Boots marked ‘Left’ and ‘Right’.
- Some people
- A hat for collecting money
- A legal disclaimer should anybody die of laughter during your
routine.
Instructions:
1.
Put the large stool in front of any
drunken Friday night pub crowd
2.
Climb on top and ask for quiet
3.
Affect a comedy dialect voice – Scouse,
Brummie, Yorkshireman, Scots. High pitched squeaking also works well.
4.
Begin by with a loud shout of ‘Way-Hay,
What’s all this then?’
You: Feather
dusters / Warts Remover /Tins of Dubbin / Megaphones / Pointing Sticks (delete as appropriate). What’s that all about, eh? Eh? (pause for laughter / wave chosen comedy
novelty item at crowd)
You: The other
day I went into the shop for a (insert chosen comedy novelty item here) and I was told by the assistant I was
in…the wrong shop!
You: She said:
‘You need the Feather Duster / Warts Remover / Dubbin / Megaphone / Pointing Stick (delete as appropriate) shop down by MacFisheries on the
corner.’
You: Eh? I said,
eh? You What? Are you European? Wouldn’t have happened in my day. Eh? Eh? What’s
that all about? (Pause for
applause to die down)
You: Europeans, what’s that all about, eh? Eurozone? Eurozone? More
like Poo-rozone. That’s what I think, Eh? This wouldn’t have happened in my
day, I can tell you. (Pause to
wait as St John’s ambulance
members treat any laughter related heart attacks)
You: Euros? Euros? What’s that all about, eh? More like Poo-ros, that’s what I say.
Am I right? Am I right?
You: Frog’s
legs? Frog’s legs? What’s that all about, eh? What’s wrong with a cheese
sandwich, eh? Would you like Camembert? Would you like Chorizo? Would you?
Chorizo? More like Chor-shit-zo, that’s right, missus!
You: No I wouldn’t like frog’s leg’s, Meester
French frog swallowing baguette munching President Hollande, would I? Up
yours, Delors. Brexit? Brexit? More like Sex-it, if you ask me, Herr Fritz and
Senor Sausage – well we’re British so no Sex-it, if you please.
Collect handsome amounts of loose
change in aforementioned hat and retire.
Do not donate 1% to the ‘People’s
Pension’ or the ‘Big Society’. These are Government scams.
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