Citizens, friends across our country, today
we can all rise together. We can
break down the barriers, seize the day!
Pardon me… I just farted.
At this moment, our country is strong.
Our country is strong when you are strong,
Giving the strength that only you can.
Sorry…I let another one go there.
I’m grateful to you voters. Yes, grateful.
You voted for me. Voted for a better tomorrow!
I must apologise, to you, Senator Finklestein,
I think it’s all the excitement.
Let’s work for every vote, let’s contribute.
Do everything you can, volunteer.
Ask not what your country can do for you
citizens, oh, sorry, what must you think of me
Senator Finklestein? I can only think that
it must have been that curry we had last night.
Perhaps if you stood over there, the
vile smell might not be as strong.
Citizens! We will not divide ourselves.
We must never embrace a ‘them and us’ society.
I believe we must share and share freely.
Like that honker I released just now.
One last heave and we can reach the summit!
One final effort. One final push.
And so, I turn to you, my friends and you,
Senator Finklestein, to ask where: where is the…
What Went Well: An attempt to use rhetorical techniques, of sorts
Even Better If: You did not indulge yourself in puerile nonsense about the very human act of breaking wind. We all do it, Pearce. Do you really think a Senator farting is funny?
Do Now: Rewrite and remove any mention of air biscuits, gas, farts, botty burps and poo-poo.