Scoop

 Scoop

 

The woods. A turd dumped, by signage
announcing ‘dog owners
please remove your waste’ –
an artistic statement
not to everybody’s taste
this much is sure.

A spinster blocking the pharmacy door
with a scoop.
You? Waiting in line, shuffling feet –
she’s spinning mystique
not in, but on a loop.

Tinnitus is a sound of roaring mumbo
bouncing between drums
like thumbs pressing fast-forward on cassette
decks out of sync – a man crossing deserts
without a drop to drink
no time to process
or think.

Your actual labrador
drops too much furniture hair
yes yes don’t it get everywhere
don’t have to tell me well don’t
better your labradoodle’s coat
fixed there like my imbecilic grin
he’s a fresh brown paint drying
and always there when you get in.

Now - flashback to the woods
a dog worrying a river stone
some small version, a man alone
watches his mutt hunch hindquarters -
something’s dumped in water

and you’re spotted
so he's asking where your dog is
did you leave him home?
No, no you’re out for exercise
walking paths - clearing lungs
keeps you fit - keeps you young.

He replies something about going under
being swamped – he doesn’t wonder
there’s too many,
too many

and with irony - not a hint -
people wandering streets skint
gasping for air amongst doghair
that plugs the very fabric.

In town they’re toting two or three
twisted leads under feet -
you’re playing dodge dog
keeping mincers peeled for logs
or those little green bags –
a public looking furtive on urban streets
stumbling past
something claggy in their cleats,

it’s a real drag
and they’re pulling here
there and everywhere
but mostly wrapped around your fingers,
under your heels,
tangled in her pushchair’s wheels.

Obstinate yapping cretin,
the owner forgot to let it in
or there’s something disturbing
on the far side of the garden gate
letting it rip
as you’re aiming for sleep

and some say these are they
who clasp bosoms and pray
for peace to fall in the east
an end to famine, bring the feast,
vote Brexit, cut all ties
reading scoops, believing lies,
declare an end of days is imminent
while waving signs at immigrants.