Push

Push

In the beginning of this journey the road lies ahead

in shock waves of pride, deserts stretching either side.

Wait silent or paralysed or at very least some inertia,

if you close your eyes and believe, she’s still there,

old words, love’s little gifts, heady memories, strong

her voice whispers in your head, although she’s gone.

Oh, how black burns these first solitary steps. Ironic;

companionship would help to shoulder it, so gather in,

feel her distant messages sting with pity or contempt,

what love there was you spent, but feel in your pocket

for any loose change; solo pennies you once disdained

would pay bailiff, stay an execution, forestall more pain.

So, come mountains, come tundra, trail blaze in fury

the cliffs ahead; curse instead, score her ulcerous face,

afflict blind barren seedbed that she will never settle,

peck out her eyes, you ravens. Howl, laugh and heckle

choices made, let slip the dogs of your one sided war,

taste victory in her contorted deadbolt locking of doors.

No sense questioning in which direction any future lies:

arrow straight path and deep, yet twist then look back

downstream anyway; all ifs, buts, perhaps. Trade gifts,

seal imaginary rifts, where a bridge never spans a cliff.

A haggler selling echoes, hustling air, ghost bargaining

with impassive monolith hardened beyond any softening.

Push on. Circling like vultures, black horizons beckon.

Push on. Trudge weary foot by foot, second by second.

Push on. Bound each all sides in fall, tunnel precipice.

Push on. Breast storm, seek scorn, womb in the abyss.

Turn stars above, in your arcs preach all mock meaning,

push, now push maiden earth, your wretch is screaming.

At the end of this journey the beaten road leads back,

still navigable, it ribbons in soft becoming canal tracks.

Only flesh remains. A facsimile, now lit by older spirits

in a blitzed Berlin of mocking silhouettes, she spindrifts,

never now existed, whatever was once yours is forgot

and all you push for gone in the stitches you dropped.