I Will Contrive

                        I Will Contrive

                        The lament of the late WPC Clumpfoot

Once I was afraid, I was petrified,

                        I was dumped under a rug,

having been electrified,

                        but I learned how to use a crop,

                        I zapped your testicles a lot,

                        and I grew strong,

                        I wore a collar and a thong.

                       

And now you’re chained,

inside a bath.

I’m going to put an electric eel

in there with you for a laugh.

In your knickers you will die

In that water you will fry,

unless you find out about the cash,

then this splash will be your last.

Oh yes, yes I, I will contrive

To unburden you of your loot,

And your sex drive.

No point in trying to beg,

I’ll fry you till you’re dead.

I will contrive, I will contrive

I will contrive.

Now here I am,

somebody dead,

I need your fortune,

so I can head off to the Med.

Life’s not all it’s cracked up to be,

with death you can be free,

kill whomever you like,

with no responsibility.

Oh yes, yes I, I will contrive

To unburden you of your loot,

And your sex drive.

No point in trying to beg,

I’ll fry you till you’re dead.

I will contrive, I will contrive

I will contrive.